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Just Off-Camera

"They respect you if you write. The dumber the world gets, the more the words matter." -Dan Jenkins


Friday, January 06, 2006

Updating Our Top Stories

Apparently I may be closer to fulfilling my dream of rapping Big 'Twan's verse from "Shoop" than I initially realized. I've been informed that every twentysomething woman knows the lyrics, which means that now I just need to find someone who actually wants to do this.

Also, the Dan Band, which you know as the band singing an R-rated version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" in Old School, has "Shoop" in its repertoire of covers of chick songs (but not an R-rated version). Ironically, they don't do Big 'Twan's part, though. Regardless, I still am against singing any part of "Shoop" in public that is not Big 'Twan's.

***

I know I didn't mention hockey fights in my last post about the brawl in the UMES-NC A&T game last night, and for very good reason: most hockey fights are more intense than the majority of fights in other sports, so you kind of have to consider the hockey fights in the context of the sport. There are plenty of hockey fights where the loser (or even the winner) of the fight comes away bloodier than Paul Wilson did when Kyle Farnsworth pounded him. Even still, I've seen very few, if any, hockey fights (in person) that paralleled the one on the court on Wednesday, where nearly everyone on the floor seemed to be tangling with someone else. In the NHL these days, you rarely see anything where everyone is brawling, since the so-called unwritten rules more or less dictate that enforcers handle the fighting, and the written rules provide for a game DQ for a third man in.

In college, where a fight is penalized with a game DQ, which also carries a minimum of a game suspension, fights only happen rarely. When they do, the players really go at it, because they're going to make the penalties worth it, and they're not going to fight and take the suspension unless they are really angry. A few fights from my four years at Cornell stick in my mind. There was a big brawl in the final minute against Colgate my freshman year; according to the box score, 10 players combined for 110 penalty minutes in that brawl (including Colgate's goalie, Shep Harder, for whom the Lynah Faithful chanted, "Deeper, faster, Harder, Harder!"). You can see video of that brawl here. (Note: The "Who's your daddy?" chant you hear in the video came long before Yankees fans tragically adopted it.) Earlier in that season, in an exhibition game against Western Ontario, a Western Ontario player speared one of the Cornell players and got a major plus a game DQ. Fourteen seconds later, another Western Ontario player put a dirty knee-on-knee hit on a Cornellian, and David Francis hopped over the boards and beat the crap out of the cheap-shot artist. Francis got five and game for leaving the bench, but so did the other guy, for kneeing.

However, the fight I remember best from Cornell was in my senior year, when Greg Hornby got sick and tired of a Vermont freshman named Jaime Sifers, who was taking cheap shots at the Red's big guns. When Sifers got into it with Hornby, Hornby beat Sifers so hard he's probably still feeling it three years later as a senior. Hornby got a game disqualification and a major; Sifers only got a roughing penalty along with both a 10-minute misconduct and a game misconduct (which doesn't carry an automatic suspension). The next week, I mentioned the fight in my column in The Sun:
Speaking of Hornby, his fight against Jaime Sifers of Vermont was ridiculous. The kid probably would have received a game DQ also, if Hornby had even given him a chance to throw a punch. I mean, Hornby hit the guy so hard his mouthpiece slid the length of the neutral zone! I wonder what NHL commish Gary Bettman '74, in attendance at the game, thought of that one.
Hornby is currently leading the ECHL's Idaho Steelheads in penalty minutes with 129.

***

Finally, tomorrow is the big battle in the basement: the best-of-seven bubble hockey series between my brother and me. I've been getting ready, working my dad over like a speed bag lately in our practice sessions. I haven't lost to him since New Year's Eve, and since then I've put up a few shutouts in the games against him. I'm feeling good - I even scored a couple goals with my center using my left hand against Dad, and the centerman's usually controlled by the right. So hopefully, my chemo treatment today will go smoothly, I'll recover quickly, and I'll be ready to upset my brother, who, despite my training, still has to be considered the favorite.I'm trying to talk my dad into working my corner during the series - giving me a spit bucket, rubbing my shoulders, etc., but I don't think I can get him to be partial. Whatever, I'll do it my damn self. It's on.

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