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Just Off-Camera

"They respect you if you write. The dumber the world gets, the more the words matter." -Dan Jenkins

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Mario Lemieux's Two-Handed Reverse Jam

Last week, as a reward to myself for finishing finals, I bought myself NHL 06 (priced at $30 instead of the usual $40 or $50 for a video game, probably because of the complete lack of public interest in hockey). I take it home, and after fighting with the shrink wrap for a minute, I get the case open. I put the disc in the PS2, and as it's loading up, I take a look at the instruction manual to see what the controls look like this year.

I turn to page 1: Basic Controls. I start reading. Move player, left analog stick. EA SPORTS™ Freestyle Control, right analog stick. Quick Plays, D-button. Playcalling, D-button (double tap), R3 button (to view playcalling zones). Turbo, R1 button. Call timeout, select button. Pause game, start button.

Now I'm thinking a few things are a little odd - freestyle control and playcalling zones seem like they don't really belong in hockey, and why would you need a dedicated button for a timeout if you can only call it during a stoppage in play, and you only get one a game? But I shrug it off, thinking that EA Sports probably doesn't know too much about hockey. I keep reading.

Offensive controls: Shoot, circle button. Pass, X button. Dunk/Lay-up, square button. What the hell?

After a little quick investigation, I discovered that the geniuses at EA Sports somehow managed to print the NHL 06 cover on the instruction manual for NBA Live 06. So I had to figure out all the controls on my own, which might explain why I suck. It probably has more to do with the fact that I'm just not very good at video games, though.

At least NBA Live 06 has all the controls, though. I heard Kobe's video game didn't have a pass button. Zing!

(I'm just playin', Kobe. LMHS represent!)


Guess what I have in common with the Sixers' Kyle Korver.

If you guessed a wicked jump shot, well, I don't blame you, but that's not what I was thinking of here. Korver, like me, considers Zack Morris a hero, "because he got to date Kelly Kapowski." An admirable trait, no question. However, I doubt Korver has gone the distance and sported the "WWZMD" shirt.

(Thanks to Philadelphia Will Do for pointing out this nugget.)


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