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Just Off-Camera

"They respect you if you write. The dumber the world gets, the more the words matter." -Dan Jenkins


Sunday, December 11, 2005

Folsom Prison Transfer Blues

I was watching UCLA play Nevada in basketball yesterday, and at one point the announcers mentioned the city in which the University of Nevada is located - Reno. Having recently seen the excellent Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line, that got me thinking about shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die. Thinking about it, I didn't understand why, if you shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, you'd be stuck in Folsom Prison. Reno is in Nevada. Folsom is a California state correctional facility.

Pretty much everything I know about prison life comes from Prison Break and The Shawshank Redemption. In other words, I don't know much about prison (and hopefully, it'll stay that way), but I was under the impression that when you commit a crime in a particular state, you are tried in that state, and then if you're convicted and sentenced to prison, you serve your prison sentence in that state.

Apparently I was wrong. This issue was dealt with by the Supreme Court over 20 years ago.

[I]t is neither unreasonable nor unusual for an inmate to serve practically his entire sentence in a State other than the one in which he was convicted and sentenced, or to be transferred to an out-of-state prison after serving a portion of his sentence in his home State. Olim v. Wakinekona, 461 U.S. 238, 247 (1983).

In a 6-3 majority, the Court said that inmates have no justifiable expectation that they will be incarcerated in any particular state, and that an interstate prison transfer doesn't deprive a convict of any liberty interest protected by the Due Process Clause.

Not that the Man in Black would have cared about any of that.

By the way, UCLA looked damn good in the game. Up by only one point with 8:30 left in the game, Jordan Farmar took over, scored 11 points down the stretch, and built UCLA's lead up to 16 with a minute left. Big win over an undefeated, ranked team for the Bruins. It's early, but Pac-10 championship hopes are very realistic.

***

Man, this is depressing. Hurricane Katrina wrecked what was apparently the best wine cellar in the South. By knocking out the power to the cellar, the hurricane caused temperatures to soar to over 100 degrees. You're not even supposed to store Bud Light in heat. What do you think happens to bottles of wine valued at over a grand?

So, good reader, please pour out a little of your Franzia in memory of 35,000 bottles of fine wine that deserved a better fate.

Anyone remember that picture of the Katrina looter who was wading away with a huge bucket of Heineken? (The picture was turned into a fake ad here.) Well, all those looters missed out. Heineken will be around long after the levees are fixed (if they ever are...FEMA.) But a 1870 Lafite Rothschild? When is a looter gonna get a chance to lift that again? Hell, it's worth more than a plasma TV.

(Brief aside: The best idea I heard this year for a Halloween costume was to pick up an empty box for a plasma TV (Best Buy probably has them laying around), soak yourself up to the chest in water, then carry around the box. The costume: Katrina looter! Tasteless, yet hilarious. Unfortunately, I didn't see that one in action.)

Anyway, the wine collection was insured for a million bucks, so the owners at least have that to fall back on. And the insurance company has already agreed to sell the bottles that remain to some guy in California, who plans to auction off the damaged wine. So if you can find out when this auction is, you can buy some stank-ass wine in a bottle with a valuable label on the cheap. Then you can always say, "I own a '97 Opus One, but I'm waiting for the right time to open it." (The right time, of course, is never. The value of the bottle is in the statement it makes.)

Damn, I miss drinking. Stupid liver.

***

Just got back from a study break where I hopped in the ol' time machine. Destination: 2011!

Here's what the future holds:

The Flyers, Phillies, and Eagles are all still looking for their first championship of my lifetime.

Law students still love to complain about finals.

Ten years after 9/11, American soldiers are still stationed in Iraq.

And outside every thrift store in Los Angeles, there are boxes upon boxes of Ugg boots to be had on the cheap. The population has finally divorced itself from the external influences of Madison Avenue and come to the inevitable, sensible, and correct conclusion that you look like a moron wearing Eskimo-style footwear when you live in a city where the temperature doesn't go below 50 degrees. And Ugg boots with a miniskirt? You look like you just got back from an unsuccessful seal hunt in West Hollywood.

Yeah, that's right. Those cruel baby seal-killers wear Uggs, too. How trendy are you now, ho?

:

  • At Thursday, December 15, 2005 12:59:00 PM, Blogger B&T said…

    Ineteresting...
    I live in Reno. The Nevada State prison is located in Carson City, NV which is about a 40 minute drive from Reno. Folsom Prison in California is about an hour west of Reno. I guess he could have shot a man in Sacramento to watch him die, but the song wouldn't have flowed as smoothly. Unfortunately we lost that game to UCLA which is our only loss this year.

     

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