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Just Off-Camera

"They respect you if you write. The dumber the world gets, the more the words matter." -Dan Jenkins


Monday, August 29, 2005

Ootstanding Sports Analysis, A Douchebag, And A Nine-Toed Inmate

Do you think there's a parallel universe out there in which hockey is the most popular sport, and people think football is boring/confusing/foreign? A dimension in which bombastic commentators yell at each other on TV about the top five fantasy left wingers? Where someone like Stephen A. Smith goes on rants like, "The Devils are not of this world. They manage the cap well. They have 18 guys who are willing to play the trap. They are completely ego-free. Oh, and last I checked ... they still have Martin Brodeur. Quite frankly, that's all you need."

He could even be called Stephen "Eh" Smith.

***

I love this comment that was posted in response to my indignant rant about David Bell. I don't think Jerry from the Great Northeast will be reading any more posts here, but if he is, I'd like him to know a few things.

First of all, I wrote that post the day before Bell's cousin died in Iraq. I am very sorry for his family's loss. I was at the game the next day, when there was a moment of silence observed in his memory. And after the moment of silence, I didn't even boo Bell that day out of respect, even though he went 1-4 with a strikeout and two foul pop outs.

Secondly, I think you missed the point of the post. I have no problem with David Bell as a person. He might very well be a nice guy. I'm just fed up with the fact that Ed Wade himself would probably hit righties better.

Finally, don't you realize I'm a human being and you shouldn't be throwing around the word "douchebag?"

***

So, with a serious lack of summer TV to watch and the new arrival of TiVo in my apartment, I decided to give FOX's new series Prison Break a shot. Well, after watching the two-hour premiere tonight, I think I'll be watching this show. Here's three reasons why:

1. Keeping with the tradition of 24, Prison Break is a FOX drama with an actor from the movie Major League. Here, it's Chelcie Ross, the guy who played aging spitballer Eddie Harris, and who uttered the immortal line, "You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?" Ironically, he plays a bishop in Prison Break. Or, he played a bishop. His character was offed in the pilot. But still, it's a good omen to have a Major Leaguer on the roster.

2. One of the characters on the show is a lawyer on the outside who's a friend of the guy on the inside. She's played by Robin Tunney, whom I had to look up. Her name sounded familiar - she was in Empire Records (the girl who shaved her head) and Encino Man (don't remember her in that). One guess why I looked her up. I hope her character continues to play a major role. A smart, beautiful lawyer? How could I resist?

(Well, I think she's smart. The bad guys on the show already took a dig at her, saying that they should be able to handle someone who graduated from the middle of her class at Baylor Law.)

3. At the very end of the first episode (if you haven't seen it and you plan to, stop reading here), the show's hero is being pressed for info by a prison gang led by an incarcerated mobster. He doesn't crack, but get this - they cut off his toe! Yeah, that's right. We have something in common. So I have to continue watching - the hero and I have a very unlikely bond.

Aside from these three insignificant reasons to watch, I was very entertained. You kind of have to chuck plausibility right off the bat, but once you do that, it's interesting to see which way things will turn. I mean, you figure that they will bust out eventually, but will it happen in the season finale? Halfway through? You could have half a season just following the guys around as they try to prove the convicted killer's innocence while avoiding the police and the Secret Service. Anyway, I've already set the TiVo to record it whenever it comes on. It should sustain me until 24 returns in January.

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