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Just Off-Camera

"They respect you if you write. The dumber the world gets, the more the words matter." -Dan Jenkins

Monday, April 18, 2005

The Southern California Law Student's Ice Hockey Glossary

If it weren't for the fact that the NHL is locked out right now, we'd be getting down to what is probably my favorite sporting event of the year: the NHL playoffs. Yup, right about now the Flyers would be preparing another disappointing playoff drive in which they lose in the conference semifinals. Not that anyone here knows or cares. Outside of the hockey team, I haven't met anyone here who really cares about the sport. Among my classmates in law school, it's worse. I've gotten half-serious responses such as, "There's ice in Los Angeles?" So I was inspired to put together The Southern California Law Student's Ice Hockey Glossary. Don't look for it in print anytime soon.

Assist - if you do this, the actus reus of the person whom you assist is imputed to you.

Attack - when the court seizes property to obtain in rem jurisdiction.

Backcheck - making sure your citations are correct.

Bench - where the judge sits.

Blue line - the definitive legal style guide.

Boarding - used to describe some teaching styles.

Body check -
what rule 35 of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure allows you to do during discovery.

Breakaway -
entering a building without permission.

Butt-ending -
something that's legal between consensual adults, but Justice Scalia doesn't like it.

Center -
the swing Justices of the Supreme Court.

Charging -
what prosecutors do to defensemen.

Conference -
what you have with the opponent before discovery.

Crease -
something that makes your papers look unprofessional.

Crossbar -
what every law student hopes to do on the first try.

Cross-check -
what you do to the opponent's witnesses.

Defenseman -
the guy getting sued.

Delay of game -
something about which you might be able to bring a rule 11 motion.

Division -
how some powers are delegated to the federal government and some powers are given to the states.

Double minor -
a really young person.

Elbowing -
what you do to get the guy next to you to pay attention to what the professor is saying.

Enforcer -
a tough prosecutor.

Exhibition -
something introduced into evidence.

Fighting -
actually, this is about the only thing law students here understand about hockey.

Forecheck -
what the mortgagee does when the mortgagor defaults.

Forward -
what you do with an e-mail you want someone else to see.

Goaltender -
to offer a goal.

Holding -
the important part of the judge's opinion.

Hooking -
a criminal offense in every state but Nevada.

Interference -
when a third party enters a lawsuit.

Intermission -
the break the judge gives everyone during a trial.

Left wing -
the Warren Court.

Line change -
when the witness changes his testimony unexpectedly.

Major -
what you need from the judges in order to win a decision.

Minor -
a young person.

Net -
total income, considering expenses.

Neutral zone -
something you might be able to get into if you bring a forum non conveniens motion.

Overtime -
what the appeals court does when it doesn't like the trial court's ruling.

Pass -
what you do when the professor calls on you and you have no idea what he's talking about.

Penalty -
a big, confusing list of criminal laws.

Penalty kill -
what you want to do to that big, confusing list of criminal laws, especially the model one.

Period -
the thing that needs to be underlined after the word "Id."

Playoff -
the guy suing the defenseman.

Post -
some word that means "after" in Latin.

Rebound -
when the higher court sends a case back to the lower court.

Red line -
what you see all over your rough draft when you get it back from your TA.

Referee -
the person to whom the referor refers.

Right wing -
Justice Antonin Scalia.

Slashing -
what your TA does with your rough draft.

Stoppage -
something that prevents someone from litigating an issue.

Trainer -
a famous judge from California.

Tripping -
probably some sort of narcotics offense.

Two-line pass -
when more than one person doesn't want to answer the professor's question.

Wrister -
a written order from the court.

Admittedly, some of these are kind of weak. I also think some are pretty funny (then again, my sense of humor has been called into question on more than one occasion). If you've got any other suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them.

I think I'm going to wear my Flyers jersey to class tomorrow in mourning.


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