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Just Off-Camera

"They respect you if you write. The dumber the world gets, the more the words matter." -Dan Jenkins


Monday, March 08, 2004

Dangerous Barbershop Pole Sex Parties

You'd think that the authorities in Boulder, Colorado, would have their hands full with the storm of allegations swirling around the football team. You've heard it all - crazy sex recruiting parties, allegations of rape from something like six different women (including a player on the team), and the coach responding to it all like the value of a human being depends on her abilities as a kicker.

Nope. The law in Boulder is actively keeping its residents safe and secure from those menacing barber poles. We wouldn't want any of those threatening red and white rotating poles harassing the locals. Let the drunken, partying football players roam free. But God help us if a barber pole spins away in Boulder.

I'm serious. City sign laws in Boulder prohibit most moving electronic signs, and that includes barbershop poles. Oh, the existing poles were grandfathered in when the law was passed. But keep the new poles off the streets! They might host sex parties for the other barbershop poles!

Well, the owner of the barbershop in question - the Buff Barber Shop - decided to challenge the law. And the five-O decided to slap him with a ticket and a thousand-dollar fine. Fortunately for him, the people in charge decided they were being silly and chose not to outlaw his blatantly disturbing barbershop pole. And they're looking into rewriting the city code.

Isn't it good to know that the local Boulder government is hard at work on the issues that affect the community?

***

The Red Sox just got a license to ill.

Looking at the transaction wire yesterday, I saw this nugget come across: "BOSTON RED SOX-Named Mike Dee chief operating officer."

I guess he's done running from the law, the press, and the parents. Now for the Red Sox' sake, let's see if he really does got mad hits like he was Rod Carew.

(That's a Beastie Boys reference, people.)

***

Anyone catch Dream Job last night? I get the feeling like ESPN is trying to bail out of this show as fast as it can. They're now eliminating contestants two at a time. Two got bounced this week, and two are scheduled to go next week. You know what that means? They'll be down to six contestants after just four episodes. Sounds like ESPN is in a hurry to get their commitment to the show done with.

As for the contestants last night, hippie-rapper dude Zach Selwyn looks like the favorite right now. He cleaned up his look to curry favor with the judges and looks a hell of a lot more respectable. The '70s leisure suit is gone, replaced with a normal business suit. He also trimmed the shaggy hair and turned his beard into a goatee.

He's probably the most poised behind the camera (although he did call Jason Giambi "Jeremy"). He turned in the funniest line of the night, when he said of LeBron James, "That's the best first step I've seen since my daughter started walking!"

His coanchor, Mike Hall, whom I think got a bad rap from the judges, responded with, "You have a daughter?"

And Zach goes, "Quiet!"

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