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Just Off-Camera

"They respect you if you write. The dumber the world gets, the more the words matter." -Dan Jenkins


Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Jeremy Roenick's Diary

Even guys making millions playing a game can have a bad month. Just take a look at some recent entries in Flyers star Jeremy Roenick's journal...


"Jan. 3: Dear Diary,"Today we got housed by the Tampa Bay Lightning. The Lightning! And Fredrik Modin ripped off a hat trick on us! We've gotta pick it up, otherwise we'll slip away from first place in the Eastern Conference.

"Jan. 7: Dear Diary,"This morning, at practice, that dumbass Mark Recchi thought it would be a good idea to rip a slap shot at me when I wasn't looking. So he hits me right in the face, in the right cheek. It hurt like hell, but I'm tough. I'm a hockey player. The docs told me it wasn't broken, they put 26 stitches in my cheek, and I was good to go that night against the Sabres. But we played like crap. We had to settle for a tie tonight. Against Buffalo. The Sabres suck, but we can't beat them. At least we get another crack at them next week. I know I'll have a better game then...it's been three straight games now that I haven't even had a point in.

"Jan. 8: Dear Diary,"I thought we were going to pull one out tonight, but we lost in overtime to Florida. I scored a goal, but I actually played awfully...I was minus-2, and the point is, we let that point slip away. And we gave one to the Panthers. Dammit!

"Jan. 10: Dear Diary,"We got shut out by the Oilers tonight. This is getting really frustrating! I dropped another minus-2 tonight, and now we've gone four straight games without a win. But something good is going to happen soon. I can feel it.

"Jan. 12: Dear Diary,"Today sucked a fat one. We lost to the Penguins. Nobody loses to the Penguins. They're bankrupt, their leading scorer is a defenseman, they can't win unless their owner plays...how do we lose to a team like that??? And to top it all off, the media is all up in my grill because they think I called Coach a son of a bitch. Well, yeah, I said that, but they took it out of context...I meant that he's been treating us like dogs because we're not playing well, and he's a hardass in practice...at least you understand what I mean, Diary. The media never understands athletes like me.

"Jan. 13: Dear Diary,"God hates me. Today was the worst day ever. We lost to the Sabres. I thought for sure we were going to take them after that tie last week. And, to really make this day perfect, I got hit in the face with a high stick, and that douchebag ref Blaine Angus didn't call it, so there I am, bleeding profusely from the face, all pissed off, so I chucked a water bottle across the ice at the damn zebra, so he tosses me from the game. I hate refs and I hate the Sabres and I just wanna go to bed.

"Jan. 14: Dear Diary,"Okay, today was the worst day ever. That stupid suit Gary Bettman thinks he knows what he's doing and suspended me for Friday's game against the Maple Leafs. We need that game against the Leafs! So now I can't play, and not only that, I have to forfeit my game check, which is $90 Gs! That punk Bettman has it coming...

"Jan. 15: Dear Diary,"Today I let that bastard know-it-all Gary Bettman have it. I told him 'he forgot that the NHL merged with the WWF and we hide razor blades in our pockets and cut ourselves so we can get calls. I'm just surprised that you can get fined $91,000 for throwing a water bottle on the ice. It's like fining Gary Bettman for all those lies about the collective bargaining agreement coming. He throws those around like they're candy. The NHLPA should fine him for those.' Damn! He got told.

"Jan. 16: Dear Diary,"So I had to sit out tonight's game against the Leafs. At least we won. And tomorrow is my birthday, and we play the Leafs again, so things are looking up...

"Jan. 17: Dear Diary,"This was the worst birthday ever! Not only am I getting old (I'm 34), but I come back and I go to try and check Mats freakin' Sundin in the corner, and I miss, and I hit Eric Desjardins, and I broke his arm! He's going to be out something like eight weeks! All our defensemen are hurt, and we're not in first anymore, and my face is getting carved up every time I hit the ice, and I'm injuring my own teammates...I think I'm going to hibernate until the playoffs. Talk to you then.
"--J.R."

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